I don’t know why I’m like this, honestly. It could be the hormones, it could be the lack of self confidence, or maybe even the fact that I’m completely and utterly weak. I hate myself for feeling like this but I just can’t help it. I hate being sad, and for the people who care about me that worry, I feel even worse if they do. Why must one feel so horrible yet needing comfort from the one you love, yet you feel as a burden to them if you ask them to do so, or is it just me? Sometimes you just have to make those 2am calls to your best friend so they could ease your pain temporarily. What’s even worse is that it could be the littlest situations that make you feel the shittiest. Not getting to talk to your loved one, getting a question wrong on a test, or even something so undeniably stupid like losing in Flappy Bird. Maybe this is just me, but I promise that I try my hardest not to be a little bitch, and I tell myself that constantly. “Don’t be a little bitch, there are more important things going on in this world and your problems are insignificant. Do something with your life and be happy dumbass. It’s not that hard.” And it shouldn’t be, happiness shouldn’t be difficult to become. It should be the most simple and easiest thing in this world because it is truly what keeps you going. After writing all of this I don’t feel so shitty anymore. (:
This is what has been on my mind.
What a perfect night to start writing again, only if I had something in mind to write about. For the past few years that I have been MIA form Tumblr, I’m sure I missed a lot. I miss the friends I had on here, although I kept in touch with some of them. I have misses the trolling and the memes. I started Tumblr in 2010 and this is where I expressed everything on my mind and it was such a stress reliever to just write and not caring what others said. I still feel that was but now a days I feel like whatever I say is just complaining and irrelevant. I used to write about meaningful heartfelt situations. I used to write non-stop about being heartbroken and healing, around that kind of stuff. I miss writing because I had just one idea and I could write paragraphs upon paragraphs on that subject. It was great, but this is me now. I am writing about how it is 12:35am and I am feeling like complete shit. Do you ever have those nights? Where you just feel like complete shit and no one is there to notice or to care. Even if someone was there, what could they possibly do to make you feel better? This is where I had the thought. Let me stop being a little bitch and do something at 12:36am. Now, I am downstairs, watching movies and eating ice cream. I feel so much better, not. It’s the company that some people need, that some people want so that they know they’re not alone. I can’t be the only one. It just feels good knowing that someone is there to hear your sadness.. Why? I have no freaking idea.
Well, because I haven’t been on for so long and it is 11:52PM, who still uses Tumblr that I used to talk to? Should I even start writing again or should I just not..
With an open mind, comes scary thoughts. Although sometimes peaceful, the ideas that one could compose are quite frightening when left alone. When not occupied with happiness and bliss, the mindset of some are terrifying..
& I am one of those people.
It’s probably the last thing you want to hear right now and it’s probably something you’re not gonna take into consideration at this moment, but this is for you and anyone else who has ever felt like this.
You can just feel the sting within the walls of your heart, the sound of your voice as it trembles with every syllable you dare to speak, and it just feels as if you’re collapsing beneath your own skin. I couldn’t possibly say ” I know how you feel ” because simply, I am not in your position right now, and I am not you. Although, I have felt my own despairs and emotional pains, no one can truly understand, but only present empathy. This is why I say I can only imagine how it feels, taking your feelings into consideration, it is just so upsetting to know you’re having to go through this. At this time, the people who love and care for you will tell you that everything is going to be okay. That everything will heal and that it is only a segment in your life that you just have to grow from. Sometimes that just isn’t enough to hear because until you truly understand that you will be okay, nothing is going to get better. It is you, and only you, who can change your mindset to a more positive perspective. Don’t blame yourself for the others opinions and emotions, for their lack of commitment, because if they don’t feel the same, it was their choice. The worse thing a relationship could be driven on is obligation, you should not feel to stay in a relationship if the feelings aren’t truly there. When you go through a situation where your mind, heart, and soul just break all at once, it is very difficult to collect yourself in the moment being. Time isn’t going to stop and how much you take out of it to heal just depends on you. It may take months, or maybe even years, but as it has been said, time can heals all wounds. The scars visibility will continue to show, and as it acts as a reminder to a moment of devastation, it is not there to remind you of pain, but rather let you reminisce about the moments of happiness if you look far beyond what is shown above the surface. How you face this situation is completely within your grasp, and how you go about it defines your character. Don’t forget about your strengths and the self-respect you owe to yourself. The happiness that you deserve and the self control you know you have. As well as for the people who love and care for your well being, as you hurt, they can feel it too. Always know and understand that you have loved ones surrounding you, people to keep your feet grounded, your head leveled, and to make you realize that you are not alone. The damage is done and now you can only repair what has been broken from here. Learn from this as it will make you stronger. Just don’t stop moving forward, because life has a sick and twisted way of working itself out. You are loved, you are blessed, you will be okay.